At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Randomize
