Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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