Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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