Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
