So drunk its hurt
I'm really into asian looking animals
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
