Sry I called you an 8
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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