went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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