Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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