we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
