I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
