I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
