The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
