Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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