I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
