Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
