Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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