So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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