i just google imaged poop.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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