i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
