How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
