I bet he comes in French.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
