I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
porn star boner night. come get it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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