If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
