You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
