I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
