D3 body, D1 cock
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
