On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
