Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
