They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
