I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
