When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
