Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
