and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
