beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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