you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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