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• (541): View more from Oregon

  She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit

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• (682): View more from Texas

  I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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• (347): View more from New York

  She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  whose parrot is this?

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick

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• (253): View more from Washington

  So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???

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