Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
