Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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