Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Never joke about your clitoris.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
