you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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