Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you mean i was at the winter classic?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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