Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
