in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize