Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
