i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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