You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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