You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
