This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
