She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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