I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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