you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
