Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
