Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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