I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
