I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
