Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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