Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
