Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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