so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
