She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
