found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
