So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize