she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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