is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
